No more

The last couple of months have been fairly rough on me, in trying to prepare for a huge move to Texas as a temporarily single mom of 4 kids. Mike is there now, and I'm feeling like everyone would be much better off if he were with me instead. Packing, cleaning, loading by yourself is not easy work. Now add going to school and doing everything a mom is supposed to do on top of that and you kind of have a glimpse as to what I'm experiencing.

I figured that since this is my blog, I can complain if I want, so read no further if you don't want to hear it.

Despite the typical trials that come with such responsibility, many more things have been piling on my plate of emotions. I can't handle the fact that my kids are being bounced around. I can't handle that my children are suffering from lack of attention and quality time from their parents. I can't handle going to bed at night by myself. I can't even sleep most of the time anyway because my thoughts are too loud. Too many worries, too many concerns about friendships, school, babysitters, being in someone else's house, Mike being in someone else's house, trying to find a house, doing my absolute best and not having it be good enough, trying to meet expectations and failing miserably, kids acting out as a way to get ANY attention, being at a loss as to what to do for a 4 year old that has found her life in total turmoil and needs "life" back, wanting to be a good student or mom or friend or primary teacher and finding that I'm doing everything half-assed, or it feels that way from conversations with others. I could go on and on, but I shouldn't.

I am DONE! I don't have much to look forward to in the morning, well I do but it's hard to pull off a happy facade. I am weighed down with life right now, and I just need it to get better soon. I need my family to be whole again. I need routine and schedule. I need my kids to be able to play and laugh. And I need to stop doing what this picture below shows. I can't handle anymore drama.